Friday, June 19, 2015

Not Quite Baseball Season

It’s a very special season that follows the end of the NBA and NHL championships up here in the American Northeast. Yes I realize that some would think that all the Red Sox fans come out of the woodwork and attempt to out-obnoxious all of the Yankees fans just south of here, but in the American League East, the real Baseball season doesn’t start until Mid July when the Red Sox make their grand move so that they can completely fall apart and send all the fans jumping off the Tobin Bridge. No folks, it is the official start of fly season around here, and that’s about as competitive as it gets.

You see the most annoying flies you get around here are often misunderstood to be horseflies, when in reality they are deerflies. The look a lot like horse flies especially when there is a swarm of them circling your head and you are doing the dance of the insane trying to bat them all away from your eyes, but since you don’t find that many horses wandering around the woods, you guessed it, they are deer flies. The little bastards don’t hurt as bad as a horsefly and when you catch them they actually make a popping sound when you squish them up, that a horsefly doesn’t. They also come in the two varieties, the straight black and the green head, and just like the green heads you see around a horse paddock, they hurt just a little worse.

Yeah I’m getting to the various sports that occur because of fly season, I didn’t really force any of you to learn something that wasn’t completely trivial. I guess I could have called this a religious blog since we all basically become Muslim when the little a-holes are swarming just outside the door. I’ll have to ask one of my friends in the Middle East if there are a lot of flies in the areas where there are turbans because there sure seem to be a lot of turbans around here right now. Tucking the shirt under your hat and draping it over your neck, is the only way to deal with the bastards. I mean they still swarm around you like a hissing tornado, but for some reason they just like the back of necks, but I do suggest long sleeves, safety glasses and gloves when trying to tempt fate, just in case they adapt.

The newest sport (see I finally made it there) involved that window up there. That is the receiving window between the MRO receiver and me the MRO buyer at this particular location, where I write these tales of utter brilliance. One of the really big fat deerflies followed one of us in here and the two of us were playing white trash tennis for about 25 minutes, as we kept batting that stupid bug between the two offices through that window. Truth be known, it was more like a twisted soccer game, as it ended in a 0 – 0 tie, and the stupid deerfly managed to escape through the ventilation system. I’m sure he’ll be back for a rematch.